I’ve always been a big fan of your blog and I love that you are not afraid to show how bold we can be in the face of sexism and objectification of women while still being an adorable Lolita. So when I saw this post, I was exited to read it. You surprised me, however, by also mentioning trans rights. It made me really happy ^ _ ^ I’m a gender-queer Lolita, so it can be difficult and I’m really glad that you’re bringing attention to the trans community who struggle with these issues too. Thank you! :)

rock the spirit the ,keep lolita and style on !!!! the blog above is amazing its got the cutest pictures ,i was starting to get annoyed with all the disses that have hit me but now i can hit back thnxx so much soo inspiring

“Got pronoun choices? Tell ‘em, you badass cutie.”
Thank you. I already do. uvu (It’s singular they. For the record.)

I really admire Caroline Heldman’s statement in that presentation, and I agree completely with what she’s saying about the harm of objectification! I have to say, though, that I contest the notion that women (or anyone else!) caring about their appearances or wanting to be sexy for their own sakes is a bad thing– that instead of doing things like ‘spending an hour putting on makeup’– feminine things– women ought to be out doing ‘useful’ things like, oh, I don’t know… traditionally masculine things (as if femininity can’t be useful or world-changing?).

While I see where she’s coming from, and I agree in every way that compulsorily-mandated beauty standards can and should go fuck themselves, I think second- and third-wave feminism often falls into this dangerous trap of wanting women to have the ‘choice to choose the right choice’, and in that case, it often means the choice that is not feminine.

I hope you’ll forgive me if I quote a hefty bit of Julia Serrano’s “Whipping Girl” (which is a magnificent read and I recommend it for everyone, though some of the terminology is a bit out of date now), she puts it so much more eloquently than I ever could. (Bolding mine)–

“…An important yet often overlooked aspect of traditional sexism… [is] that it targets people not only for their femaleness, but for their expressions of femininity… discriminating against someone’s femininity is still considered fair game. The idea that masculinity is strong, tough, and natural, while femininity is weak, vulnerable, and artificial continues to proliferate even among people who believe that women and men are equals.
[...]
Even many feminists buy into traditionally sexist notions about femininity– that it is artificial, contrived, and frivolous; that it is a ruse that only serves the purpose of attracting and appeasing the desires of men. …No form of gender equity can ever truly be achieved until we first work to empower femininity itself.”

{my note: on the “femininity as artificial” front, I think it’s important that Heldman, and often second- and third-wave feminists in general, very often choose the application of makeup– artificial substances that are applied on top of one’s natural face and then removed– to illustrate “bad things women are doing”, rather than any other type of sexualised femininity that is related to objectification, such as, say, flirting with men in order to make other women jealous.}

I thought this might be an interesting passage for Lolitas of a feminist bent, seeing how much time we devote to the celebration and cultivation of our femininity!

I went there, and liked what I saw…until I saw the word “misandry” popping up….a lot. I messaged the people running the blog and attempted to explain what many have already to them, that misandry is a word that makes feminists look like they -hate- every single man alive. It shuts down positive conversation. Instead, what they really were describing in their defense of the word was anti-patriarchy, but they refused to switch to that. I discussed the blog with a women’s studies professor who agreed that their refusal to see reason and switch makes them into what the GOP thinks a feminist is…a bunch of man-haters. If they support queers as well, then misandry applies to queer male-identifying individuals as well, thus shutting down any argument that the word doesn’t make them alienate who they claim to be supporting.

I decided to share that here in hopes that maybe others would send them the same message; it’s disturbing that there is a growing group of young feminists in support of misandry, and I really am afraid of that. I just…I can’t support poor word use, shock value, and lack of reasoning in the face of said shock value. It sucks too, they have some excellent gifs and points and I really dig it…but that whole misandry thing? No. That’s more sexism…in the opposite direction.

If they’d lose that word, that one word, I could back this. I love everything else they’re doing.