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Welcome back to Parfait Doll after a lengthy hiatus! Changes will continue around the site as I get settled back in and redefine exactly what this website should do for its readership. Thank you to all my readers who have kept up with me offsite and looked forward to its return!

Let’s dive right in to today’s topic – the sticky subject of lolita community and meetups. I’ve heard this complaint lately both from friends of mine and from outside the community.

“Everyone seems really cliqueish and I’m not getting invited to meetups! What am I doing wrong? Are they big bad elitists who hate my outfits? Am I infected with a strange social disease?!”

Heads out of the gutter, people. The glitter might be contagious, but otherwise, you’re probably safe. New York City, my home community, is notorious for being particularly clique-ish and ‘group-y’. The reason? It’s hard to fit more than ten people or so in a Manhattan restaurant at once! With a community of hundreds of members, there’s bound to be pairing off. The larger a meetup, the more unwieldy it can potentially become. So how do you make sure your social calendar is booked with plenty of teas, ballet invitations, or other fun frilly activities?

Check out this article from Captain Awkward, a social skills and advice blog (I’m a big fan – check out her archives for tons of great reading, and join the legions of Awkwardeers!). In a slightly different context, the letter writer worries that her group of friends is boxing her out of parties and invites.  While the situation isn’t exactly the same, Captain Awkward addresses lots of concerns in her article about friend groups, invitations and social settings.

Let’s say you’ve introduced yourself to some local lolitas, maybe online at their preferred hub or group, or in person at a big open meetup. Yet when you log online, all you see is cute photos from teatime that no one told you about! Here’s some classic meetup pitfalls and how to fix them.

Problem: You’ve met some girls you click with, but when the invite list goes up, you’ve been forgotten or left off. How do you get people to remember you’re sitting at home dressed in your best ruffles and glittery eyelashes, just wishing there was an event to go to?

The solution: Get in with the movers and shakers. In any group, there’s going to be people who organize. Usually the same people tend to run the events, such as planning the outings or booking the private rooms or even having everyone to their place. Pinpoint who these lolitas are and try to chat them up. One-on-one time is even better – invite one of the hostesses out for a coffee. Then when the next event is being planned, they’ll add you to the list!

Problem: You work unusual hours or have a rigorous study life, and your local community seems to love brunch just when you’re headed to your job or partying while you’re at home cramming Japanese vocabulary for a big exam. After declining a few times, now you’re worried you’re getting skipped over for invites.

The solution: Life happens to everyone and occasionally we all need to take breaks from our hobbies to handle the nitty-gritty stuff. Drawing away from your hobbies to be a Responsible Adult doesn’t mean you need to pull away from your friends, though. Make sure you’re still chatting up your friends regularly even if you can’t make every event, and try not to flake on the events you do find the time to attend. There’s lots of ways to keep involved with your Lolita community even when you’re not able to meet face to face. Answering questions or leaving comments on message boards, posting interesting content, and just being a good online friend are some examples.

Problem: Your local community is humdrum and doesn’t seem to have a lot going on. The cobwebs are evident on the message board – last updated in 2008.

The solution: If there’s no lolitas to be found in your area, consider checking further afield for Lolita events. It may be quiet in your neck of the woods, particularly if you live somewhere rural (I speak from experience. Consider me reporting live from cow country.), but a nearby city might have tons more going on. There’s also no harm in being part of multiple communities if you have the means to travel. I’m a New York City Lolita first, since that’s where I’ve had the most meetups in recent years, but my state community of Connecticut is having a small Lolita renaissance now too. Can’t wait for our September tea coming up!

The fix-all-solution: There’s also one more solution to any meetup difficulty – run your own! It’s not nearly as daunting as you might think, and anyone can run successful meetups with practice. If you need help, considering appointing a co-hostess with more experience until you feel comfortable. Small meetups for pick-up coffee and chatting in the park can be just as fun as elaborate, catered hotel teas, too – don’t worry about being too fancy! The point is to get dolled up and have some good times with your fellow fashion enthusiasts.

If you’d like to meet lolitas and aren’t sure how to go about getting yourself a lolita friend, check out this article  I wrote on making lolita friendships. If you’ve got further questions about lolita meetups (you social butterfly, you! :) feel free to drop me a line at my Ask Box!

It’s ten years ago this year that the movie Kamikaze Girls debuted (the same year as Mean Girls… coincidence or girl power conspiracy?) Kamikaze Girls is one of the great catalysts that created lolitas around the globe with its international release – and I was one of them. Though the author, Novala Takemoto, has mostly retired from the lolita socialiate circles since then, I’ll always treasure his contribution to lolitas everywhere in the form of both his beautiful film and his many books, short stories and articles.

I’m excited to see that he’s written a new lovestruck novel in the vein of his most famous, Kamikaze Girls (Japanese title: Shimotsuma Monogatari, A Shimostuma Story). The cover art is done by the famous lolita author Kira Imai, whose work has been made into a variety of printed dresses with Angelic Pretty and lolita fashion magazine covers. Here’s an excerpt of the novel, translated into English:

That’s where I was the first time you talked to me, at La Foret, the fashionable mall located at the intersection of Omotesando and Meiji Dori. There were a few chairs there that anyone could use to pass some time. Rising up between the chairs was a great tree, looking like it belonged there. I don’t know if it was a gingko or a poplar or a gum tree. There were green leaf-shaped objects in the space between La Foret and the street. Instead of show windows, the stores inside La Foret used these hollow translucent objects for shop displays. I sat behind the leaf-shaped objects, on the side of the building, facing the entrance to La Foret, hiding behind the leaf that had the list of shops on it. I sat directly on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest. I didn’t look at anything in particular, and I didn’t think about anything in particular, and I stayed there in the same position until the store closed. That was the only place they’d let me hang out.

Why didn’t I run when you spoke to me? Why was I able to answer you, even with a stammer? I would normally be frightened by any male—whether it was the police, a high school boy trying to hit on me, a poor old country bumpkin confused and looking for directions, or a little Boy Scout holding a donation box. If any male tried to communicate with me I would flee in a flash. Somehow you were special. You’re still special to me. Special things are always special right from the start and remain special until the end.

Unfortunately it doesn’t say when the English edition will be released. I am looking forward to more of Takemoto’s fanciful writing bleeding through with its relatable awkwardness. (If anyone has any information about the release or where to read it, please drop me a line, and I’ll update the post so others can read it as well).

You can read more about Novala Takemoto in a short interview at the book’s promotional website here.